DUBIOUS DEFINITIONS
posted by James Reel
Composer and sometime critic Ken LaFave has passed along some music definitions you won't find in Grove's. You never know the origins of these things that circulate in cyberspace, but this list has the name Al Heller attached to it:
Obbligato - being forced to practice
Con Moto - yeah baby, I have a car
Allegro - a little car
Metronome - short, city musician who can fit into a Honda Civic
Lento - the days leading up to Easto
Largo - beer brewed in Germany for the Florida Keys
Piu Animato - clean out the cat's litter box
Con Spirito - drunk again
Colla Voce - this shirt is so tight I can't sing
Improvisation - what you do when the music falls down
Prelude - warm-up before the clever stuff
Flats - English apartments
Chords - things organists play with one finger
Discords - thing that organists play with two fingers
Suspended Chords - useful for lynching the vocalist
Time Signatures - things for drummers to ignore
Melody - an ancient, now almost extinct art in songwriting
Klavierstuck - A term used by German furniture movers attempting to get a piano through a narrow doorway
Music Stand - An intricate device used to hold music. Comes in two sizes - too high or too low - always broken.
Tonic - A medicinal drink consumed in great quantity before a performance, and in greater quantity afterwards.
Dominant - What parents must be if they expect their children to practice.
Concert Hall - A place where large audiences gather, for the sole purpose of removing paper wrappings from candy and gum.
Soto Voce - singing while drunk
Agogic - playing high enough on an oboe to make the eyes bulge.
Cadenza - slapping noise on office furniture
Fandango - grabbing the pull chain on the ceiling fan
Prima Volta - jump start with a battery
Refrain - proper technique for playing bagpipes
Smorzando - with melted chocolate and marshmallow
This list lacks one of my favorites, which I will append:
Minor Second - two oboists playing concert A
